I Think...

I might move this blog. I'm sorry. I might not be strong enough.

I'm thinking of changing to WordPress, mainly for the option of password protecting certain posts. It's come to my attention that certain people, to whom I've made perfectly clear that I do not want in my life at all, are looking at this blog regularly.

Understandable. This is, in fact, a blog on the internet. And the internet is free! Available to anyone who comes across it. And perhaps it's also my fault for discussing subjects of a delicate nature, even as anonymously as I possibly can. My justification for that is this: It's a part of my life. This blog has always been about me (hooray narcissism!) and things that affect me, and so it's natural that I discuss people and things that sometimes upset me. I've never revealed names.

However, justification is just that: trying to excuse behavior. Maybe my behavior doesn't need it, but maybe it does. There you have it. But, dear readers, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I am not exaggerating when I say that it frightens me that certain people choose to read this blog. It feels invasive and it creeps me out. I'm guilty of the same behavior. But I don't write posts in reaction to other posts written on other blogs. I don't add the same features as other blogs within days of them changing layouts.

I'm sorry. This is only my side, and it naturally has a bias. But I'm scared, and I don't deserve to feel this way.

A very large part of me wants to be obstinate, and stay just where I am. I love this blog. I love the name, I love how I started it, and I love what I've done here. But I know that I can't prevent certain people from reading this. So the only other option I have is to take action myself, and change blogs.

I'm still weighing sides. I'll let you all know soon what I decide to do.

But since YOU are reading this and I know... Please stop. I deserve to write what I want. I deserve to feel angry or sad or whatever the hell I want, and I deserve to write about those feelings without provoking cowardly response. And I deserve to be left alone. I haven't done anything to you, ever. You yourself don't deny what you've done to me. Please just let it be.

And to you, my dear readers in the US, Australia, Malaysia, and even Latvia (Latvia! Someone in Latvia has read my blog!), I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this bullshit (because that's all this is. Utter bullshit.) and I'm sorry that I might leave you.

I will let you know.