Dreams

I am not used to so many
Bad dreams
Leaves me unsettled
Miserable.

Night after night
Dreaming things I can't forget
When I wake.

I even manage to sometimes get exactly what I want
In my dreams
Which makes the waking hours even more
Upsetting and unsettling.

Dreams
Seeping into my conscious
Tainting the brightness of the Day.

I Think

To some extent we're all cripplingly in love with someone from our past. 

Do you Think I Post too much about Band Back Together?

I don't. Truly, out of all the blogs I follow, they are the best in terms of amazing internet support.

Currently, they are hosting an auction to raise funds to apply for federal non-profit status. I'm checking out the amazing swag as we speak. Please, donate, bid, contribute, and/or support.

You won't be sorry. In their words, all are welcome.

http://auction.bandbacktogether.com/

Fresh Fall

Roommate friends
Late night laughter
Drunken debacles
Silly wonderful adventures
And beautiful, ecstatic anticipation.

Leaving behind
Late night tears
Devastating revelations
Tense fights
And frustrating circumstances.

Never has leaving behind summer felt so good.

"Say goodbye to the people we don't know."

Remember that time I had rice with melted cheese for dinner? Remember that time I also had a tortilla because I clearly don't love carbs enough? Remember that time I also planned on eating funnel cake later that evening? 


And I'm trying to lose weight.


Winner! 

There are so many things I want to teach my daughter, if I ever have one. 

We Will Overcome. We Must Overcome.

I'm blogging over at Band Back Together today, friends, along with dozens of others who are sharing their memory of this day ten years ago. Let's get through today together.

Links to my post will come soon.

Join the Band

According to The Twitter and other various blogs I follow, today is the one year anniversary of the launching of Band Back Together, an amazing group blog created by Aunt Becky of Mommy Wants Vodka.

This deserves recognition, and I’d like to give my own little plug for The Band, because no one deserves it more than them.

If you are hurting… Join the Band. If you want to share your story, no matter how mundane you think it is… Join the Band. If you want to connect with amazing, supportive people… Join the Band. If you need support or want to give it… Join the Band.

Out of all the Internet communities I’ve discovered, The Band is the best one. They love and support unconditionally, even to someone like me who is nowhere near as hurting as a lot of their contributors. The stories make me want to cry. I’m a huge fan of sites like Postsecret, where you can share yourself (please, no sexual puns) anonymously. Sites like these are freeing, and when run right, allow people the release they sometimes need (again, no sexual pun intended). The Band takes that a step further. Not only can you share your story, anonymously if you want to, but The Band will give you all the help you want, along with plenty of resources to get you through whatever it is you’re going through.

I strongly encourage you to check them out. You won’t be sorry.

And Happy Birthday, Band! Sending you love and sugary cupcakes.

And now you are nineteen.

Dear Moe,

Happy Birthday, lovely lady! I hope you see this. Your present is on its way.

Moby-girl it was a lucky lucky day for me when we met in that drama class. Even though our first impressions of each other were not very good, I couldn’t have asked for a better friend over the past seven years.

You are funny, smart, and loyal. I’ll never forget sophomore year, when all that stupid crap was going down, how you stood by me. You never let yourself get caught up in things like that and I’ve always admired you for it. Going though high school, I couldn’t have asked for a better partner through all those APs. No one was a better role model than you.

You, out of all of us, are off at a fantastic school making a name for yourself, which is exactly what you deserve. You’ve worked so hard to accomplish what you want and you deserve every benefit that has (and will) come your way.

But enjoy this last year of teenagerdom! Live it up, laugh lots, and always know that we’re here for you, even when we’re thousands of miles away.

I’m lucky you’re my friend. Happy happy birthday.

I miss you always and I love you very much,

Your Lady Brett Ashley

And now you are three.

Dear Baby Brother,

When I found out that Mom was having yet another baby, I cried. I didn't want our house to be turned upside down again. I was 16 and selfish.

When you were born, Mom had a bad reaction to the meds they gave her. I, the first person to see you after Mom and Dad, walked in to see my mother shaking violently on the bed, unable to say hello to me. Dad shoved you in my arms. I looked from you to my mother, and I didn't know what to think. Sweet boy, you were not a cute newborn. Sorry baby, you just weren't.

But, God has the best sense of humor. Because you turned out to be one of the greatest people in my life. I regret every single minute I wasted dreading your arrival. I can't imagine what the last three years would have been like without you.

You are sweet and funny. The summer before I went off to college, when I'd babysit you, you'd go play but every few minutes you'd run back to me just to give me a kiss before running off to play again. We hold hands in the car and we put our hands on top of each others' when we pray. You sit in my lap when we watch movies.

The joyous boy turns three.

Your smile and laugh is infectious. You can definitely be a brat sometimes, but it's hard to get too mad at you when you're so hilarious. Every time you grabbed your sister's hair with the most serene look on your face, it took all my strength not to laugh. Or that time when Dad told you "See you later, alligator!" and you screamed back, "I am NOT AN ALLIGATOR!" You are the funniest in our family.

One of my biggest regrets is that I went to college when you were so young. Because before I left, you and I were each others' favorite people and now that I'm gone you're used to my absence. That devastates me. But every time you run to hug me when I come home reinforces how special our connection still is. And I will always be your big sister, always there when you need me.

You are the sunshine of my life, sweetest boy. I love you forever.

Happy Birthday to you!

Happy Birthday, Shabby Poetry!

A year ago today, I started this blog. And what a year it's been...

I definitely don't post here as often as I did this time last year, and I'm sorry. But I still adore this cyberspace of mine, where I can verbalize my creative thoughts. I post here whenever the mood strikes me and I want to keep it that way. I love that Shabby Poetry is something that I love and that I feel no obligation towards. I post here because it is (at the risk of sounding cliche) a safe space and because I want to be there. This is My space. And I'm so very glad I created it, one year ago today.

Thank you for reading. I can't tell you how much it means to me.

I'd also like to take this moment and talk about the world of blogging and bloggers that Shabby Poetry has opened up to me. I can still follow the web path that took me from my best friend's blog to other blogs that I know read faithfully. I'm so grateful for the community I've found through blogging. It is loving, welcoming, and accepting. And my world is a little bit brighter, one year later, because of those dear writers I've found here on the internet.

So happy birthday to my dear, shabby, little internet space. I'm lucky you're mine. And thank you to my wonderful readers and thank you to the big wide internet blogging community.