Compromise

I got a new blog, but I'm keeping this one too! I want Shabby Poetry to get back to just that-- poetry, with a little bit of prose mixed in. New blog will be personal stories, rants, and thoughts. 

The Catch
I'm not a fan of giving this new address to everyone. I want to know who's following me. So please, if you would like to follow me to my new blog, comment on this post with your email and I will email you the URL address. 

I'm so glad that I get to stay here with you all, and I would be very happy to have you follow me to my second Internet home.  

Quotes

I do love quotes after all. 

I wrote this for a friend of mine from school. She has a wonderful appreciation for art and all forms of beauty, and I used to cover pages with quotes I liked when I was bored in school. I'm a little bit more proud of this than I should be, but I thought it was lovely and wanted to share it with you all. I've read some wonderful books and poems lately, and I would highly recommend checking out any author (or artist) I took these quotes from. 

"I see it! I see the picture you painted with your words!" ~J

This is why I love her so much. 

I Think...Part Two

I might stay. That's my gut feeling right now.

Thank you all for putting up with me.

Don't test me. Darling, this is nothing. You don't want to see me attack. 

I Think...

I might move this blog. I'm sorry. I might not be strong enough.

I'm thinking of changing to WordPress, mainly for the option of password protecting certain posts. It's come to my attention that certain people, to whom I've made perfectly clear that I do not want in my life at all, are looking at this blog regularly.

Understandable. This is, in fact, a blog on the internet. And the internet is free! Available to anyone who comes across it. And perhaps it's also my fault for discussing subjects of a delicate nature, even as anonymously as I possibly can. My justification for that is this: It's a part of my life. This blog has always been about me (hooray narcissism!) and things that affect me, and so it's natural that I discuss people and things that sometimes upset me. I've never revealed names.

However, justification is just that: trying to excuse behavior. Maybe my behavior doesn't need it, but maybe it does. There you have it. But, dear readers, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I am not exaggerating when I say that it frightens me that certain people choose to read this blog. It feels invasive and it creeps me out. I'm guilty of the same behavior. But I don't write posts in reaction to other posts written on other blogs. I don't add the same features as other blogs within days of them changing layouts.

I'm sorry. This is only my side, and it naturally has a bias. But I'm scared, and I don't deserve to feel this way.

A very large part of me wants to be obstinate, and stay just where I am. I love this blog. I love the name, I love how I started it, and I love what I've done here. But I know that I can't prevent certain people from reading this. So the only other option I have is to take action myself, and change blogs.

I'm still weighing sides. I'll let you all know soon what I decide to do.

But since YOU are reading this and I know... Please stop. I deserve to write what I want. I deserve to feel angry or sad or whatever the hell I want, and I deserve to write about those feelings without provoking cowardly response. And I deserve to be left alone. I haven't done anything to you, ever. You yourself don't deny what you've done to me. Please just let it be.

And to you, my dear readers in the US, Australia, Malaysia, and even Latvia (Latvia! Someone in Latvia has read my blog!), I'm sorry. I'm sorry for this bullshit (because that's all this is. Utter bullshit.) and I'm sorry that I might leave you.

I will let you know.

An Adventure!

Hola! I’m Glenna! And this is my friend Jacinta. She and I are best friends. And this is our dog, Vertigo. Do you want to be our friend, too? You can only be our friend if you promise you won’t pretend to be our friend, stab us in the back, and say that you still love us! You won’t? Okay! But if you do, you will be muerte a nosotros.

Jacinta and I are going on an adventure tonight. We want to have the most fun possible tonight. We need to get somewhere so that we can get drunk. Who do we ask when we have somewhere to go? Yeah, Map!

“If there’s a place you gotta go, I’m the one you need to know I’m the Map! Hola! Glenna and Jacinta want to end their night with getting drunk. How can they get there? I know! First they have to go to the Cave of Dancers. Then they have to go to the Golden Arches. And after that, they will reach the Shiny Toaster of Alcohol! So tell Glenna and Jacinta they go to Cave of Dancers, Golden Arches, Shiny Toaster of Alcohol! Cave of Dancers, Golden Arches, Shiny Toaster of Alcohol!”

What did Map say? Cave of Dancers, Golden Arches, Shiny Toaster of Alcohol! Okay! Where do we go first? Cave of Dancers, yeah? But we’ll have to watch out for the Evil Rhymes-with-Witch. She lives in the Cave of Dancers and hurts everyone she can. We’ll have to defeat her.

Come on vamanos, everybody let’s go! Come let’s get to it, I know that we can do it! Where are we going? *clap clap clap* Cave of Dancers! What are we doing? *clap clap clap* Defeating Evil Rhymes-with-Witch!

We’re at the Cave of Dancers! Mira! The Evil Rhymes-with-Witch! Look at Vertigo bite and bite and bite! He hates that Evil Rhymes-with-Witch. She makes Vertigo very angry. We’ve almost defeated the Evil Rhymes-with-Witch. Jacinta slapped the Evil Rhymes-with-Witch with her SUPER SEXY AWESOME SLAP. Yay! We defeated the Evil Rhymes-with-Witch.

Where do we go next? Yeah! The Golden Arches.

Come on vamanos, everybody let’s go! Come on let’s get to it, I know that we can do it! Where are we going? *clap clap clap* Golden Arches! What are we doing *clap clap clap* Getting yummy food!

We reached the Golden Arches! Now we need to decide what to eat. Should we get the healthy Fruit Parfait? No!! Should we get the Fish Filet Sandwich? Nah, that sounds yucky. What about the Quarter Pounder? Yeah! And let’s get lots of papas fritas. Son muy delicioso!

We defeated the Evil Rhymes-with-Witch, we got yummy food at the Golden Arches, so where do we go now? Yeah! The Shiny Toaster of Alcohol!

Come on vamanos, everybody let’s go! Come on let’s get to it, I know that we can do it! Where are we going? *clap clap clap* Shiny Toaster of Alcohol! What are we doing? *clap clap clap* Being happy!

Hooray! We reached the Shiny Toaster of Alcohol! Now we can have lots of fun. Look at all the delicious drinks we can have. Let’s try all of them!

Thanks for helping Jacinta and me have our adventure. Lo hicimos, we did it!

This is really going to happen, kiddos. 


Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction and all similarities between characters and people, living or dead, are purely coincidental. 

I (Don't) Mind

I don't mind getting drunk texts from you.
I don't mind being called twice in the middle of the night.
I don't mind writing letters to you.

I mind returning calls and texts and being ignored.
I mind no response to anything. 
I mind feeling guilty about wanting to talk to you.

The Desire to Blog

Thinking of something witty to say and not
Coming up with anything.

All I have is the desire
to write
but no substance.

Something You All Should Know

I miss this dog. I miss his cuddles and his (disobedient) barks and all of his adorable mannerisms. I miss spending time with him and his mummy. It isn't fair that Evil Stepmummy is so far away. But never fear, Mr. Squiggles. I'll see you and your (smoking hot) mummy soon. But know that I miss you so very much.

I get to live with these two someday. Aren't I lucky? 

Telluride is fun even when you have The Mono. 


On the other hand, The Mono is ick. 

Why I Love Harry Potter

I originally was not a fan. I couldn’t get past the first chapter. And so I let it be, lifting my nose up to all the other “silly” children who read books that I considered dull. But then… My father read it to my brother, and I started listening in. I was hooked. I “borrowed” the copy and read it through to the end by myself. I remember sheepishly admitting to my father how much I enjoyed it.

From that moment on, Harry was a beloved part of my life. By the time I read Sorcerer’s Stone, Chamber of Secrets, Prisoner of Azkaban, and Goblet of Fire were all already out, and I was gifted them at different times. I consumed each novel in less than a week. Not only was I a fast reader to begin with, but I loved them. I needed to know what happened next, I needed to hear what Harry had to do, what Dumbledore needed to tell us. My desire to know the happenings of the wizarding world was unyielding.

I was eleven when Order of The Phoenix came out. That book was an escape from a miserable summer. I was leaving my home I loved and moving 3,000 miles away. Harry was there, on the long car ride and when I reached my lonely new home.

I got both Half Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows at midnight releases. When we got our copies of Deathly Hallows, my best friend and I sobbed and my younger cousin asked, “Why are you crying?” I answered, “Because he’s been such a big part of our life. Harry Potter is our childhood. We don’t want it to end, but we need to finish his story.”

I love Harry Potter because we grew up together. I watched him mature through eyes that were growing up as well. I loved the characters, the stories, and especially the little details you catch when you re-read the books. As an English major, I could spout to you all the literary merits of the text. But I won’t because Harry is more than that. To his fans, he means something different to every one of us. But he and his universe are a beautiful escape, an immersing world, and a fascinating story.

I love Harry Potter because Harry is noble, Ron is funny, and Hermione is clever, but they are all flawed. Each character is real. They cry and sin, rejoice and love, and they grow. They grew as I grew, and I loved being able to take that journey with them.

I love Harry Potter for a thousand reasons I’ll never be able to put into words. All I can say is that if you’re a fan, you understand. And if you’re not, you’re missing out.

I remember reading Chamber of Secrets while at the Kennedy Center, bored of Handel’s Messiah. I remember reading Half Blood Prince while sitting in the back of my grandfather’s pick up truck because I had to finish. I remember finishing Sorcerer’s Stone for the first time and smiling to myself because I had enjoyed it so much against my will.

So thank you, Harry. Thank you for letting me into your world. Thank you for showing my best friend and countless others how to love reading. Thank you for being such a wonderful part of my childhood, and thank you for the role I know you will play in my future.

For, as Dumbledore so aptly put it, “I shall never truly be gone unless none here are loyal to me.”

I will always be loyal.

Guess what's coming...

You excited? 

Let's Move On

Time to move on, readers. Let's focus on enjoying the rest of the summer as much as possible. Dammit, we deserve to.

To help us heal:

bandbacktogether.com

Amazing group blog. A safe place to share and there are resources for numerous health issues. We are not alone. Let's join The Band.

Written Thoughts

There is something so magical
about actually writing
letters
and whispering secrets into paper

I don't think either of us realizes the affect it's having
On you and me.

I want you home.
I want you to be mine.

But that can't happen
So I content myself with scribbling
Niceties and arbitrary thoughts
Thinking all of the things I wish I could say.

Honestly, if I was out there right now (or rather if we lived in the same place) I think I would just move in with you for the time being.

It's not an overstatement to say that my heart aches to be with you. It's killing me being so far away. 

Please, please, get through this. I don't know what else to do, but ask me anything and I will say yes.

Ironic that in the middle of a movie set in Paris, the one person I always wanted to (and still want to) see Paris with texted me. Out of the blue. 

New Site Features

Dear readers of mine, this morning I added some aesthetic and networking features to my blog. I hope you check them out!

• If you click in the box where my new fishies live, it sprinkles food. The fish follow your mouse around.
• Follow me on The Twitter! I'm not terribly interesting, but I try to be funny.
• At the bottom there is a list of blogs on Blogger that I follow. All of them are well worth taking a look at.
• And I have a stats counter, because I love knowing that you all are out there.

Enjoy! And thank you so much for reading. 

I reflected last night that I choose very strong people as my best friends. The first time I ever saw Tiffany cry was six months ago and we've been best friends for over four years. So when something hurts one of my closest friends, it terrifies me. I almost never see them in tatters and knowing that something has happened to rip her to shreds devastates me and horrifies me.

I feel so many emotions over what has happened this past week. And I don't even know if I'm justified in feeling them. Objectively, I wasn't as affected by this as Jacinta or Cathy. But I cannot help but feel overwhelmingly upset.

I feel betrayed. And cheated. I trusted him so much. He was my big brother. He was my protector and the protector of so many others. Before this week, if someone had asked me to choose someone who I thought was a genuinely good guy, it would have been him. No question about it. He is sick, hurting, and afraid, but I never questioned his heart. But now... if he isn't a good guy, who is? Who can I trust? Who can anyone trust?

I still pray. I need to believe he can recover. I need to hope that somewhere, my big brother, who told my hurtful ex-boyfriend to go fuck himself destroying their friendship in the process, still exists. But right now I can't look him in the face. In his betrayal, he made me question what I knew was true.

But more than feeling betrayed or angry or scared, I'm worried. Above all I want to scream and throw things in defense of my Jacinta. How could they do this for her? Didn't they know how much this would hurt her? What is she supposed to do now?

And I'm not there with her. She needs me, and I'm 13,000 miles away. She can't call me in the morning when she wakes up wanting to go back to sleep forever. I can't go over to her house on the nights when she feels alone in the world. We can't get drunk together and try to forget just so that we can have an hour of silly happiness.

Even as I write this, tears are filling my eyes because we should be together. We need to be together, dammit. I can't let her go through this alone.

And in the midst of my pain and anguish I would like to say this. Fuck the people who did this. Fuck you for hurting the people who cared about you the most. Fuck you for not having the balls to take responsibility for what you did. Fuck you for being the epitome of selfish. And fuck all the forces that are keeping me away from my best friend.

I am angry, hurt, and scared. But I'm not alone. And I will never leave her side, not matter how metaphorical that side may be. All the forces are pushing against her, but you better believe that she will come out of this stronger than ever, while I march along beside her for as long as she wants me there.

You will not defeat her. You will not defeat us.

This Ain't a Love Song

Here's to all the boys
Who pretend to be good
Who shut their eyes and ignore the consequences
Who know the hurt they can cause

Here's to the boys
Who fool everyone
Who break the hearts of their friends as well as their lovers
Who pretend to put the needs of others before their own desires

I believed in you
She believed in you
We all believed in you.

And more than anything
We wanted to help.
We were there to help. 

But you threw that in our faces and
I know you feel remorse and regret now...

 It's not enough.

You cannot take back your betrayal.