Word Vomit

I really should take time to edit these before posting them.

You know what? I've been a pretty bad friend. I know that. A lot of the time I'm self-involved, shallow, and flaky. Sometimes I don't do the right thing.

But I'm going to be honest and tell you that I think you're projecting a lot of your dissatisfaction with your own life onto me. I can't remember the last time you said something kind to me. I honestly can't remember the last time you congratulated me on something that I was doing.

Today, I was thinking about how much harder I'm having to work for good grades here (at an honors college) and your voice popped into my head: "You mean, you're actually having to try for good grades for once?"

I know you haven't said that. But it is something that you definitely, absolutely WOULD say.

And you know what? That's not alright.

I am an okay person. I have achieved a reasonable amount for a person of my age, I work moderately hard, and I try. I am always trying.

I have never once made you feel bad about your failures. All you've seemed to do in the past year is try to make me feel bad about my successes.

So yeah, maybe I dropped the ball last semester and this summer. But maybe, just MAYBE, that was because I found you insufferable.

I feel bad about myself when I am around you. 

And there it is.

I could try and try and try to get us back on track. But you don't seem to want that and honestly? I can't figure out why I do.

I'm Sorry

When the guy who is truly scum of the earth takes the time to text me "Be safe" during a hurricane and YOU don't? You who used to voice my thoughts, you and I who used to get each other through everything?

That is not okay.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I think I'm done.

It's hard sometimes to think about the things I missed in terms of coming here. The things I gave up.

I hope it's worth it. 



I think it is. 

Some of the Nicest, Wisest Words Said to Me in Awhile

"You're not desperate, you're just impatient."

                                                            ~ a very wise friend