No Shame, No Blame

I've never cried in front of you and I've always wondered what that said about you and me. I think it's extremely telling that as much as I claim to love you, to adore you, I've never allowed myself to be that vulnerable with you. 

I have always held back.

I can't decide if I'm proud of myself or not for this. There's a whole part of me that you've never seen.

I am childish, silly, goofy, and oftentimes a complete baby and I don't think you know that about me.

I never showed you. You never seemed that interested.

And I've never cried in front of you... 

Hypothetically Speaking

... I'm not even sure I could do it again
the chances of it ending again being so great and all

And how this second time nearly killed me
Because it broke something inside of me
something snapped split cracked in two

that still isn't fixed.
Like the fact that I eat french fries without appreciating them
and how Frosties are quite possibly my favorite snack ever

but I've only eaten one of them this semester.

Another One of those Dumb Sappy Posts

Sometimes, I have a hard time believing how lucky I am. He is so good, in so many ways. I  have been blessed immeasurably. 

And then there are moments where I'm so glad that she has my back for the always and that we talk too fast and that we never respond directly to each others' texts and I can't wait to laugh about the same things when we are 70 years old. I dare you to tell me that we were not fated to be this way. Go ahead. Because He is in Heaven laughing at us for always. 

And then there are other moments where I'm so proud of myself for lots of things. I did this. I did this, on my own, with His help, and I am so proud. This is hard, but I did it. Me.

And then there are even more moments when I remember that He has a plan and that I have no reason to doubt Him because He has never steered me wrong. I don't know where I'm headed, or what my next move is, but He does. And I trust Him. I have no reason not to. 

And then there are the scary moments, the hard moments, the happy moments, the unbelievable moments. And He is always in them. 

I will never be able to express my gratitude for everything. I am exceptionally lucky.