I wish I could just run into you so that I could know how I'm going to react. Truthfully, this feels a lot stranger than I'm letting on. I just want to see you so that I can know what that feels like and adjust accordingly.

But at the root of this, all I keep thinking is, "I'm so mad at you, I'm so mad at you, I don't think I'm getting over this anytime soon."

It's hard to publicly pronounce you to be a good guy, tell everyone that we ended on good terms, and publicly give my blessing for your new relationship when privately I'm seething over your abandonment of our friendship. All I want to say is, "He's an asshole who rarely thinks of anyone but himself."

I don't say that. I'm better than that.

Doesn't mean I don't feel it though. I'm mourning your loss in a different way these days. And that loss is hard to come to terms with in relationship to my fury at you.

Because how can you miss someone you want to scream at?