Hi.

So I'm here. In my home state. At a new school.

Miserable.

I wish I was joking.

This, so far, has been a lot harder than I expected it to be. I'm having a really hard time getting used to being on my own. Because no one is here. Not my parents, not my friends.

I'm alone.

And that aloneness is exacerbated by this shitty breakup I'm going through. Because *he* is always in the back of my mind. My singleness, my loss of him, my (however brief) other half being gone... it's always there. Taunting me. Questioning how I can go through something this big without him and subtly pointing out that even when I get back, he won't be around and I'll have to adjust all over again.

I've made friends! Good friends at that. I went shopping and exploring with one this morning, and the other is right across the table from me right now. But my anxiety is somewhat ignoring that aspect and focusing on the difficulties.

Because this, for me, is twofold. I'm far away from the environment that I love and that was helping me recover from my breakup (because it's shitty. It was *big*). So not only am I adjusting to a new environment, but this new environment doesn't have any of my coping mechanisms.

Feels like I'm falling.

I'm so sorry that I can't be more positive about this. And therefore I implore of you, please pray for me. There are so many others who need prayers more than I do, but I would be so grateful if you could include me in your thoughts and prayers.

And in return I promise not to let those prayers go to waste. I will pray myself. And I'm going to make a counseling session to try to begin dealing with this crippling anxiety that I'm feeling.

I didn't expect it to be this hard or to hit this soon. I promise you, I'm trying to deal with it.

I'm just not doing a very good job.