And the Living is Easy

I miss him so much
Constantly
But not enough to regret
Where I'm at

What I do
One week in
There is a normal
A return

So relieved to see
The highs so much higher than the lows.

Things Fall Apart

You know, sometimes I catch myself mentioning you or thinking of you and I can trick myself into believing that I miss you. 


But it's not true. Because when I actually take that moment and think about what I'm feeling, I find that I miss an ideal that never was. I miss what I thought you were, what I HOPED you were, not what you really were.


You want the truth, sweetheart? The cold, honest truth, is that my life and my emotional health have gotten a million times better since we stopped talking and I cannot bring myself to regret that change.


You were not worth it. You still aren't. Probably never will be.


I'm sorry you're not real, but I'm not sorry that I *finally* walked away. 

Facing my Fears

Now that the stress of finishing finals and getting this semester over with is done, I'm finding that I have (even just on this first night) more time to agonize over what could happen NEXT semester. So instead of writing about it all summer long, I'm going to get all my fears out tonight.

1. I'm scared of actually being away from my family and not being able to see them when I'm feeling overwhelmed.
2. I'm scared of being overwhelmed. I'm scared that they were right and I can't handle their classes.
3. I'm afraid of being lonely. 
4. I'm scared that everything will be different when I get back, that I will have lost my friends at home (except for Best Friend. Best Friend will never leave me.). 
5. I'm afraid of being away from Boyfriend and missing him so much it hurts.
6. I'm scared that he and I can't do this. I'm scared of losing him again. 
7. I'm afraid of being wholly on my own for the first time.
8. What if no one likes me? What if I don't like anyone?
9. I'm scared of leaving my comfort zone. 

And there we have it. Time to cry, take a deep breath, and face this head on. 

Let's Quote Fight Club and See who gets It

All the ways you wish you could be, that's me. I look like you wanna look, I fuck like you wanna fuck, I am smart, capable, and most importantly, I am free in all the ways that you are not.