I'm so Afraid

I am not used to dealing with all these terrifying thoughts and not being able to get rid of them. I literally have no idea what to do with myself. I don't even know how this happened or what started it. But it's here now and I can't get rid of it. 


Somebody tell me what to do because I can't even handle myself anymore. 

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!

I am thankful for...

• Netflix. And Doctor Who being on Netflix.
• Plenty of money in my bank account, plenty of money in my parents' bank account.
• Delicious stuffing.
• Best friends. All of you.
• My fuzzy blankets.
• The puppy I get to see tomorrow and get to live with eventually.
• Experiences that make me stronger. Believing that, in the past year, I've grown more than I have in the previous three.
• My relationship with my family members, especially the newfound closeness between my mother and me.
• Bellinis. 
• Books. Good books, bad books, all books.
• And everything else I can't think of.

I hope you all had a fabulous day and that your family didn't drive you too crazy! Love and gratitude. 

Stream of Consciousness

Sometimes it is hard to remember that this is my reality this here is my reality going home is like a dream lapse pause and then I remember that my reality my world is not there that I have somewhere else to be that now includes my best friend and even though I've only seen her for fifteen minutes we've called each other four times already and it catches me offguard that I can call her whenever I can how long has it been since I've been able to do that? There is a blog that I will never show you it appalls me in the way it lauds infidelity and we know too much of that already now it's time to just be ourselves together again. And now I'm going home to sleep in a big bed call her too much and hug my squirmy beautiful brother and eat too much even though I shouldn't but Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday in which I formally acknowledge how lucky and blessed I am I am the 1% but let's not bring politics into this I'm feeling too optimistic about the days and nights and meals and laughter to come.

I have so much to be thankful for.

Note: This is most likely terrible and I really generally despise stream of consciousness. But I felt like writing this today, so I'm sorry that you had to read it. 

11/21/11

My heart is lighter now. 

Dear Readers

I've just discovered all the new things you can do on Blogger! Thus the drastic change in appearance. But if you feel it's too crowded and confusing, please let me know. This is a work in progress.

Let's just hold on and forget for a minute.


Okay? 

There is so much to look forward to.

I read more than almost anyone I know. I don't always read classics, I don't always read good books, but I read an exhaustible amount of words on a daily basis.

I am absurdly proud of this fact. My reading has defined me for as long as I can remember.

It is still so hard to believe
that in one week
Everything will change. 


Everything will be different. 


I've been waiting for something
For so very long 
It's finally almost here.


I can hardly believe it. 

You

Being with you is like
My favorite song playing
Taking a deep breath, smiling,
And knowing
That it is a good moment.
Being with you is like that moment.

Looking at you is like
Looking into a bright blue ocean
Finding solace in the sea
And wanting to dive in.
Looking at you is like diving in.

Sitting next to you is like
Falling into bed after a long day
Other places I could go, other things I could be doing
But I couldn't imagine being anywhere else.
Sitting next to you is like belonging.

Being with you
Looking at you
Sitting next to you

You are like love.