Remember that Time I Sat on the Rocks and Listened to the Waves Crash around Me and Felt the Sun on my Face?

And how I chose to keep that memory only for me and that devious Spider? How I actively sought to keep it from the boy I should have been sharing things with?

That is more telling than anything else.

Spider might not be (is not) right for me. We might not (should not) ever be together. But the fact that I shared infinite moments with him instead of Mule means something.

It means something that there was always a limit to what I told my Mule.

I need to search for something real again. Say what you will about what a terrible person Spider is (he really is) but he and I were real. 


It's time to look for that again. Time for real.